Friday, 10 October 2008

Presidents with weird names

A lot has been made over the past months about Barack Obama's name and it's likely ties with International Terrorism. As history informs us, there have been plenty of American Presidents with weird, vaguely upsetting names, to which Barack Obama must surely be a welcome addition.

Here, in the interest of Bi-partisanship, is a list of Presidents with weird names.

8th President
NAME: Martin Van Buren.

ANALYSIS: Van Buren? Sounds a little like Van Hitler to me. He sounds Dutch and you know what that means. Legalised marijuana and prostitution. Terror threat: 8/10

18th President
NAME: Ulysses. S. Grant

ANALYSIS: The last time I heard of someone named Ulysses they were invading Troy in a giant wooden horse. Terror threat: 9/10

22nd President
NAME: Grover Cleveland.

ANALYSIS: President Grover? He sounds like he has all the manliness and sheer rugged testosterone of that blue pedophile puppet on Sesame St. Terror threat: 1/10 Wimp Rating: Pink

28th President
NAME: Woodrow Wilson

ANALYSIS: Oh man, you just know that the only person who ever called him Woodrow was his mum and that’s when she was telling him off. His college buddies called him “Woodie” which means he had all the smarts of that Bar Tender in cheers. Terror Threat: 7/10.

31st President
NAME: Herbert Hoover

ANALYSIS: A president named after a vacuum cleaner? Sounds like he sucks. (Ha!!). But all joking aide, Herbert sounds like the kind of guy who lives with his mother until she dies and he inherits the house and the cats. Terror threat: 6/10

30th President
NAME: Calvin Coolidge

ANALYSIS: Coolidge is what you use to describe the process of turning a bathub full of ice into 420 cold beers at a frat party. I like a party brother as much as the next guy, but for president? Terror Threat: 5/10 Threat of a panty-raid on the girl’s dormitory: Imminent.

16th President
NAME: Abraham Lincoln

ANALYSIS: Nothing weird about Old Honest Abe’s name, but his vice president was Hannibal Hamlin. Hannibal? Are you f-----g kidding me? Terror threat: RUN!

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